Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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