Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How does one acquire holy water?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
