wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
