Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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