God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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