You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
