dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
