I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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