First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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