Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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