sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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