i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
