I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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