is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
