Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
