fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
