dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
