whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
