dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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