the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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