I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
