ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
