the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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