Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
