thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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