I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
