so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
