what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
