So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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