I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
