Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
