You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
