ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
