Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
