He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
