I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
