I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
