hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
handjob tips. give me some.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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