He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
