Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
