i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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