My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
