erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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