yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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