my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
