You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
