I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Bring me that man meat
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
