I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
