naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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