I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
