Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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