I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
