Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
